Changing your approach to feedback

At the beginning of my career, I managed a staff member who was perennially scruffy in appearance. It was her first job out of university and she hadn’t really adjusted to the dress expectations of the workplace (it was the ‘80s and the rules were quite strict in those days). My boss was always on at me about her appearance but no amount of me pointing out that she wasn’t dressed appropriately made any difference.  

Then, one day she came in in a new dress that she had bought at the weekend.  She looked amazing and it really suited her so I told her so. And then something interesting happened – she went and bought the same dress in all the colours – and thereafter her clothing choices massively improved (or rather conformed – I’ll talk about dress conformity another day as my views have changed a lot since then!). 

What I learned from that experience is that people respond better to being told when they’re getting things right than when you point out where they’re going wrong. 

We’re taught as managers that we’re supposed to give feedback – with the implication being that we have to point out what people are doing wrong and if we can say nice things too that’s just a bonus. And to be honest – because we’re usually pretty crap at giving and receiving feedback – we’re more likely to make people feel crushed than motivated. And what feels ‘constructive’ to you often does not feel that way to the person on the receiving end. 

It’s similar with managers being told they have to ‘performance manage’ their staff. Well, quite apart from the fact you simply can’t manage someone else’s performance – only they can – it’s such a heavy handed and patronising approach to working with people. 

Rather than thinking that your role as a manager is to manage performance think of it as finding a way to help people shine. If look at it that way the way in which you approach feedback will change dramatically.   

So, feedback is as much about your attitude as it is about your words. If you’re approaching it feeling enthusiastic about the amazing possibilities of the person you are ‘managing’ then you will frame what you say in a way that focuses on how they can shine. And I guarantee they will rise to that. 

So chuck out all those outdated notions of feedback – and think about how you can help people to shine.